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How to Make Living Amends: 5 Top Tips

All types of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make! They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you.

what is a living amends

Never force someone to resume a relationship with you when they are not ready or willing. Calls to the general helpline will be answered by a paid advertiser of one of our treatment partners. Greater level of engagement and participation in home and family activities. Keep up with what Living Amends is doing in the community. In recovery, our actions and intentions are aligned. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took.

What Does a “Living Amends” Exactly Mean?

Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book andTwelve Steps and Twelve Traditions(the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery.

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These are boorish cbd capsules that decrease nervousness and weight levels which is why I love charming them so much. Your sponsor may have told you to make a living amends as part of your Ninth Step, but if you are anything like I am, you do not have a clue what he or she means by that. To fix broken relationships, you have to put a lot of effort into making things work. It’s not enough to say to someone that you apologize and feel badly for how you acted in the past. It takes a certain maturity and level of respect for yourself and the person you’re hoping to reconnect with to get past any past issues. If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now.


The next step is to talk to someone about those feelings. That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment. The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. (It’s okay — life changes course. I treasure your kindness living amends and appreciate your support for as long as it lasted.) You can do so on this page. And yet this yearning springs from our most fundamental nature. Living with it and living up to it is the highest homage we can pay, and must pay, to the unbidden gift of life.

  • The other person may hear the same statement as exasperation with them or a minimizing of the ways you’ve hurt them.
  • Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated.
  • It goes beyond simply apologizing to taking steps to right a wrong.
  • I do this so that they don’t see me or have knowledge as to what I’m doing, or I feel that they don’t have knowledge of what I’m doing but they do, they know because they are not stupid.
  • Restorationmeans bringing something back to its former state, usually things that have been damaged.

Just like each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good.

Get Help With Alcohol Addiction

Begin the process of making amends after you have a sustained period of sobriety and both parties are in a calm, clear mental state. The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care. On the opposite side of the street are those individuals who simply say, “All of my amends would hurt people. I’m just not going to speak to anyone.” Avoid the temptation to get out of this step. We work closely with sober livings homes that are high accountability homes. We ask for weekly reports on the progress of each person receiving a scholarship.

what is a living amends

Living amends is a certain type of amends you make in addiction recovery. Essentially, it means making a radical shift in the way you live and sticking to that. When you make living amends, you make genuine changes to support your emotional and physical sobriety. In doing so, you promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most. Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place. The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around.

Tips on Making Amends in Recovery

Harnessing science, love and the wisdom of lived experience, we are a force of healing and hope ​​​​​​​for families and communities affected by substance use and mental health conditions. Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words. When you make amends, you acknowledge and align your values to your actions by admitting wrongdoing and then living by your principles. “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”; the 9th step of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous . By now you have made it through the first 8 steps, congratulations, you have almost made it!

what is a living amends

The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book. In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states. Steps, Step 9 is often referred to as particularly challenging. Understanding why will require taking a closer look at what Step 9 is, its goals, and its possible outcomes. We’ll also include a Step 9 amends letter for anyone who wants to implement this step but isn’t sure how to. Each month, I spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars keeping The Marginalian going. For fifteen years, it has remained free and ad-free and alive thanks to patronage from readers.